Here are the top ten early red flags you are in the relationship with a narcissist and need to run – fast.
- You’re always wrong. The way you fold the clothes, make a bed, load the dishwasher, your political views, religious views. It doesn’t matter what it is – you just can’t win. You’re in a constant battle in your own home for no apparent reason.
- You can’t assert yourself. Primarily, because of point number one, you feel as if you are stifled from expressing yourself at all. You are intimidated by the fact that whatever leaves your mouth or whatever steps you take will be immediately challenged. The constant threat of confrontation is exhausting.
- As a matter of fact, yes, you’re exhausted. You feel mentally and emotionally drained all the time. And, since when has your back ached so badly, when did your neck and shoulders get so tight? These are clear symptoms of continuous stress.
- Aw, that friend you used to hang out with just had the most beautiful baby boy! Whatever happened to her, anyway? You used to see her regularly, now you can’t remember the last time you were able to sync your schedules. Have you really been that busy? Or is the issue more that your partner doesn’t approve of your friendship with her?
- He’s up to something, you just know it. But, you can’t quite put your finger on it. Something’s just fishy. Lately, you can’t seem to get a grasp on anything in your life anymore. How is it that, in just a matter of a couple of weeks, your credit card went missing and your bank account was compromised? And, why was he so on top of this, passing along the details of a new account he needed to open? Why is he never home? Why does he keep changing the password on his phone? What’s with him insisting you increase your life insurance policy? Are you just being overly paranoid?
- Yeah, paranoid pretty much sums it up. That’s gotta be it – you’re just being paranoid. After all, he keeps telling you not to be whenever you ask about these things. You used to be so easy going. When did you become nervous and anxious all the time?
- You fought, and he fought back. The argument from the previous night got out of control. What started off as a verbal confrontation quickly became physical. Well, you suppose it was physical. After all, he just shoved you away from him. Those were his words. But, there was a staircase behind you and you were on the second story. What if you had fallen?
- But, you told him it could be serious. You went to the doctor for an annual exam and were told it was abnormal, you need a follow-up biopsy. Probably no big deal. Again, his words. You’re scared, so maybe his nonchalant attitude about it is just meant to keep you calm. Right? Deep down, he cares.
- Deep down, does he care? Because, the last time you had the stomach flu, he suddenly had an impromptu business trip to take. As a matter of fact, when you broke your wrist falling from a ladder while trying to put up the Christmas lights, he told you to stop crying, it was just a sprain. You drove yourself to the doctor because he was working late. When you really think about it, it seems like you’re always fending for yourself. If you run, will he even follow?
- Why were you putting the lights up yourself anyway? Or, cleaning the home, mowing the lawn, cooking the meals, commuting the kids, fixing the leak, painting the rooms. He was always conveniently busy whenever there was any work to be done, so you went ahead and did it yourself. Is that what a partnership is supposed to be like?
Pathological narcissists are inherently self-centered. They are unable to feel empathetic toward anyone but themselves. And yet, they expect others to constantly care for them without questioning the subservience, which is why they are attracted to empaths and codependents.
The signs above, for the most part, are a few initial red flags present when idealize is transitioning to devalue. Recognizing these signs early enough and getting the courage to run can save a victim from amplified, more blatant abuse later on. It only gets worse. Run while you can.
Knowledge is power. Break the silence, Break the cycle.