Narcissists, on their own, are deficient. At least, they believe they are. Often, these individuals have felt this way since a very young age due to abuse and neglect. Even “overlove” is a form of abuse. Narcissists who had been made to feel special or superior to others at a young age will carry with them egos easily bruised. They will feel as if, regardless of the circumstances or challenges faced later in life, they need to remain “superior”. This comes with a lot of pressure, as you can imagine, to achieve and maintain success. Narcissists believe at their core they are not enough. They need someone else by their side to look good, act intelligently and denounce any opinion regarding what they truly are.
The Need for Narcissistic Supply
Narcissists need narcissistic supply to thrive. They often marry (and remarry, once the initial marriage inevitably tanks) quickly because they need constant reassurance they are enough. They associate only with those they believe will give them adequate supply. So, if they happen to meet someone who possesses traits — physical, intellectual, emotional or otherwise — they long for and will help to promote their own self-image, they will trap this person as quickly as possible.
The relationship game the narcissist plays is not unlike actual hunting…or kidnapping. This individual has a very specific target in mind after having spent a significant amount of time determining exactly what to look for, and will bait this person, lock them in and quickly hide the key. Commonly, narcissists with children will find their prey at church, at their child’s school, at a park, or play date…wherever caretakers gather. Narcissists possess zero parenting skills. They need someone who they can study and mirror in social circles and who will take care of their children for them behind closed doors. Narcissists without children may hunt online, at a business convention, or another social event likely to attract strong-minded individuals who will elevate their own status. It just depends on the void they’re hoping to fill.
The best way to ensure prey is fully trapped is to slip a on a ring and sign legal documents. Now, it’s next to impossible for the victim to escape once the idealize phase is over. They will be bankrupted physically, emotionally, mentally and financially in trying to do so.
Mind-Numbing for Victims
This game can seemingly confuse a victim who has summoned the courage to leave after having been married to a narcissist. This warrants a closer look. The survivor will not only be dumbfounded by the ability of the narcissist to quickly capture a new victim despite all they know they endured, but will be unable to understand why another person — especially one equipped with assets the narcissist looks for — would not do her research. If the narcissist has been married before, has existed in another life, so to speak, why wouldn’t the next victim look into the situation and realize she is only allowing history to repeat itself?
The answer may be simple, though two-fold. One, narcissists are highly manipulative, a form of abuse. They will go to great lengths to make the new victim believe the old is crazy and keep the two separated. And, two, the narcissist is charming, at least until questioned. As long as the new victim is willing to remain ignorant, the relationship could (maybe?) run smoothly for a while. However, because the narcissist cannot maintain this false persona to anyone in his intimate space for long, soon after the idealize phase, the victim will inevitably face increased abuse and start to ask questions. How quickly the narcissist turns will depend on how quickly she speaks up.
Bottom Line
If a narcissist has been divorced, there is likely a good reason for it. The initial victim may have been naïve to rush into marriage. However, a victim who rushes into it after discovering the divorce and without researching…well, you just have to shake your head.
Beware this common, sadistic game and stay away. If you are a victim questioning why your ex remarried so quickly, be thankful every day this new relationship lasts and grateful it no longer has to be you.
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Why do narcissists marry so fast?