Coverts are often considered more dangerous than overts because they more readily come across as normal, average individuals incapable of having a hidden agenda. However, you can present evidence of their game in court, and you definitely should. This is particularly true if you are in a divorce battle involving custody and do not want to lose everything. It is likely the covert narcissist has already made you out to look like a horrible person before you go before a judge. He or she may have even caused you to commit actions that “prove” you are in the eyes of the law. This is, unfortunately, common. For example, copies of divorce papers filed could have been found by the covert and instead of confronting you, in typical covert fashion, your spouse begins to concoct a devious plan to make it look like you are a substance abuser who is physically abusive. Sounds far-fetched, but it’s really not that difficult to do. One call to the authorities and a domestic assault case is opened. Your spouse will likely call after you’ve had a drink or two with dinner and self-inflict injury. Suddenly, your spouse is the victim of an abusive drunk.
Needless to say, because the covert narcissist is inherently manipulative and is used to getting his or her way, it will be much easier for this person to prove you are in the wrong than it will be for you to prove otherwise. This is because the court requires physical, irrefutable evidence that is clear and easy to understand. Or, sworn-in testimony and court administered interviews of minors. We already know each person who takes the stand in favor of the narcissist will not have experienced what you have behind closed doors, and if minors are interviewed, they will be drilled by the narcissist prior to the session. Memories of abusive moments or “he said-she saids” are simply inadmissible. You must be prepared for battle.
Any and all evidence you have that this person has been abusive should be collected, copied and kept in a secure location as soon as possible — images saved on old cell phones, text messages, even recorded conversations (you can consult with an attorney regarding privacy law). Scour the narcissist’s computer for digital evidence. Have a private investigator follow this person, pull records and probe past acquaintances for useful information. You will need to spend the needed time, energy and money to effectively fight back, but it will be worth it. Otherwise, the covert wins once again, your reputation will be sabotaged and you may lose everything precious to you. After all, a narcissist’s ultimate goal during a discard is to completely destroy you. It is easier to fight the battle the first time than to get the court to reverse a ruling. Rest in knowing “the truth will set you free” and good luck!