Cognitive dissonance is a mental disorder caused by psychological stress, such as occurs when one is under the wrath of a narcissist. It’s defined as a state of confusion, of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs or attitudes, which stems from long-term emotional abuse. A person displays cognitive dissonance when he becomes so psychologically uncomfortable he will perform an action that contradicts his internal belief system, morals and values. For example, the narcissist may tell her victim he needs to convert to a certain religion which contradicts the belief system in which the individual was raised. The victim is being told he needs to do one thing, while internally, he has contradicting beliefs. Eventually, the conflict will become so uncomfortable, he is likely to convert to reduce this dissonance. And, this happens over and over again, as the narcissist strives to gain control in all areas of her victim’s life.
Over time, the victim no longer acts on her internal cues, but rather, waits for the narcissist to make her decisions for her. Therefore, she allows the narcissist to create and define her identity. This becomes second nature. So, the narcissist now has a puppet he is able to control and manipulate whenever he wants without retaliation. And, the narcissist can use this confused state to his advantage. He can make the target anyone he wants her to be, enabling complete dependence. He can make his victim carry out underhanded deeds, disassociate from outside influences (i.e., friend and family) and even go as far as making the person an addict, should he choose, so he can ensure complete dominance.
Once the victim has become accustomed to the narcissist’s controlling ways, it is difficult for him to realize that he is being abused. This is when complete co-dependency has been established, and it will take something absolutely heinous, or the objective opinion of an outside influence, to help the victim break free. Psychologists have argued that someone in this predicament must freely choose to pursue help in order to effectively heal. Having freedom of choice, it’s been argued, is the first step toward regaining lost confidence in one’s decision making skills and is necessary in order to heal. However, if the victim has a confidant who can nudge her in the right direction, or becomes entirely incapable of tolerating the narcissist’s actions (i.e., the physical abuse has escalated), she is more likely to take this critical first step. It is possible for the cycle to be broken and for the victim to regain self-confidence. Realizing one has been robbed of his independence takes self-reflection and an internal review of the victim’s current state versus who he was prior to the relationship.
TIP: Key word searching one’s authentic feelings of self will often provide powerful insight and may help a person discover she is being abused by a narcissist.