This is the philosophy of pathological narcissists. It’s all about them and fulfilling their wishes. A narcissist will devalue victims and sufferers are made to brave circumstances fundamentally against their morals and values – often times without even realizing it.
To go against a narcissist’s wishes is to crack the perfect false persona he parades. Doing so causes narcissistic injury and the abuser becomes enraged and determined to get even. Victims learn early on it’s easier to go with the flow.
Narcissists also present themselves, at least until challenged, as highly analytical, logical, even-keel and able to take on even the most complex situations with ease. This is not because the narcissist is actually equipped to do so. Rather, the sociopathic traits of a narcissist disable him from exhibiting any kind of meaningful emotions at all, and victims often confuse this with assuredness or adeptness.
Only when the narcissist inevitably slips up and one begins to question his morals, unveiling underlying intentions and voicing opposition, does she quickly learn the depth of her abuser’s illness. When narcissistic injury occurs, the brave individual who’s chosen to speak up is quickly considered the narcissist’s worst enemy and treated as such.
This is often when a relationship will transition rather abruptly from the idealize to the devalue stage. There were likely signs of a more gradual transition prior to this because the narcissist will typically begin by using more covert tactics to maintain power. However, a direct slight will propel unwelcome changes.
Devaluing
In the devalue stage, the narcissist will use a number of covert and overt tactics to ensure his superiority over a victim. Nothing the victim does is right, or so she’s told, especially if the narcissist disagrees with her position. She can’t cook, clean, dress, parent, or work properly. The narcissist shows her he is superior in every task in every way.
As the devalue stage progresses, physical abuse can accompany the emotional slights. This is commonly used when a victim has directly exposed the narcissist for who he truly is, particularly to others, which is completely unacceptable. When the abuser deems mental anguish is not a sufficient punishment, things often turn physical.
There is no going back. The partner presented in the idealize stage never existed. This was a farce, and the truth has surfaced in the second stage. The narcissist has been exposed, and the best thing to do is to begin preparing to exit.
If a victim successfully exits during devaluing, she will need to remain intuitive and strong. The narcissist will do everything possible to get her to return so he can perform a final discard. If she gives in, he will attempt to destroy her life.
Establishing a support system and always being prepared becomes necessary in safeguarding against further abuse. Going no contact and staying no contact is critical. Leaving during the devalue stage and never looking back is the best way to break free.
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