Narcissists are not fair. They don’t understand the definition of fairness. By definition, fair as an adverb which means “without cheating or trying to achieve unjust advantage.” This is completely foreign to the narcissist. In his world, fair means the polar opposite — “cheating and trying to achieve unjust advantage”, and “unfair” to the narcissist is anything that does not involve catering to him.
The narcissist will cry, kick and scream if he doesn’t get his way. What’s more, not being catered to results in narcissistic injury. After injury is inflicted, attempted revenge is inevitable. Narcissists love challenges. They thrive in a competitive state. Everything and anything the narcissist does, he does because it’s a challenge. This is why he pursues a certain type of prey, has a prestigious position at work, manages a challenging, wealthy lifestyle and continues on quests that may seem trivial to others (i.e., gambling, playing fantasy football, entering fishing tournaments, anything that is competitive for which he will receive attention for excelling in. Trophies are key — including trophy spouses). If you take an alternate stance, he will immediately go into competition mode and try to ultimately “win”.
An individual with NPD will first do everything in his power to manipulate you into believing his way is the only way, the best way, and that no other options are feasible. If you do not see the validity in this and choose not to comply, injury will be inflicted and he will respond either with abuse or by trying to eliminate something near and dear in your life. This is when the competition officially begins. For instance, if the narcissist wants your child to be the next baseball superstar, but you’d rather him pursue the arts, since this is what he’s clearly shown interest in and he’s told you he’s not interested in baseball, the narcissist will begin the game by listing out the pros of pursuing the sport and the cons of artistry. He may even slight the child, insisting that he’s not the best artist anyway and that sports will better serve him in the long run. He will also surround the child with imagery and stimulus related to the sport in an effort to persuade him. As silly as it may seem, the narcissist may paint baseballs on the walls of the child’s room and bring home baseball books and videos. Once the child is manipulated, he knows you’ll cave because the child now “wants” to play baseball, too. Unfortunately, in these types of situations, no one wins — and the child suffers. The child is left abandoning a pursuit of something he genuinely was interested in for what his parent is interested in.
Should you suggest an activity before the narcissist, he will also feel slighted and begin to try to “one up” you with a suggestion of his own — one that he says is more logical and fitting. Because, bottom line, the narcissist needs to maintain control. He needs ultimate control over you and the child. You cannot take the upper hand, and neither can the child. Everyone needs to play by the narcissist’s rule book. Raising children with a narcissist is extremely difficult. It is only made less difficult by maintaining compliance. And, this is mind numbing. The victim is left completely dependent on her captor, unable to think for herself at all for fear of retaliation. Children are raised unable to exert independence or mature as they should. If the victim has gotten the courage to leave, but the once-couple has minor children, she can expect many court dates. She must ride out the storm with patience and strength.