In an effort to gain self-awareness and center ourselves, it can be important to reframe the way we’ve traditionally thought. By focusing on a particular thought process and the fallacies associated with it, and becoming more open-minded, we allow ourselves to view the world more positively. One way in which we can use reframing techniques is to steer clear from definitives. In other words, we can focus on eliminating words like “never” and “always” from our vocabulary. Why does this matter?
Humans are ego-centric by nature, and as a sort of natural defense mechanism, we have a tendency to view ourselves as unfailing. When we are confronted by others for mistakes we may have made – and, we all make them from time to time – it can be particularly alarming and, often, we overact or become overly self-critical, so we use definitives.
It is common for our reactions to consist of statements such as I would never do that, or I have always done that, depending on context. In this way, we are asserting that we’ve always done what’s right and leaving no room for argument to the contrary. However, inside, we know these definitive statements are not true. We are flawed, we are human, and statements assuming perfection are far-fetched.
In practicing humility, we become able to access parts of ourselves we may not have known even existed. We must learn to access these parts, and accept our flaws, in order to take action steps to work on becoming better versions of ourselves. This is the premise of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Deciding to stop using definitive statements is one small step we can take to begin to become more self-aware. For those familiar with twelve-step programs, humility is at the core of these programs for a reason. Only by accepting our own brokenness can we learn to become more accepting of the brokenness of others. When we become more accepting of both ourselves and others, we self-actualize.
This is the point we should all strive to reach. If you are completely unfamiliar with the concept, now is a good time to begin the process. Others may be at various points along their healing journeys. The journey toward self-actualization and inherent self-awareness has to be ongoing, however – we continue along it in perpetuity.
There is always room to grow and we must always remain open to growth. The more we focus on healing by way of understanding who we are, the more we can offer who we are to the rest of the world. When you begin to self-actualize, you will quickly note pieces of yourselves in others, and you will realize that people become drawn to your energy and this is why you notice these pieces, perhaps for the first time.
What is the purpose of life? Many who have repurposed their lives and have made a decision to pay it forward argue that it is not only to realize what our God-given gifts are but to share these with others. When we understand why we are here and we begin to share this with the world around us, we will begin to live a more contented, meaningful, and peaceful existence.
I’d venture to say that we are all searching for happiness, and some paths to this euphoric state are more sustainable than others. We can choose to seek fleeting happiness or that which lasts a lifetime. To receive resilience, we have to begin to reframe the way we think.
Challenge yourself today to take a small step toward healing and replace definitives with situationally-based adjectives, such as “most of the time,” “often,” or “rarely.” See if this helps you see yourself in a whole new light. You may just receive the clarity you’ve been searching for.