Post-traumatic stress order (PTSD) is serious. It can feel overwhelming. At times, victims will experience panic attacks, extreme anxiety or clinical depression. Victims have also reported repeated flashbacks, nightmares and paranoia associated with the trauma they experienced. These negative emotions can leave one feeling stranded, lost, unfulfilled and unworthy.
Relationships with mental, emotional, physical and financial abusers can be so detrimental and induce so much stress that they can prove to be life-changing, and unfortunately, survivors of abuse often carry with them the residual effects of their experiences, regardless of how much time has passed. This means they live with PTSD and all of its less-than-desirable symptoms. And, as they begin to believe there is nothing more to life than this negativity, it soon becomes all-encompassing.
However, there are certain steps once-victims can take to manage their stress and associated symptoms, and to rebuild their confidence and strength. No one can incite negativity within us if we refused to allow them to. It’s important to remember this and to remember to prioritize our own well-being and regain our health.
If a victim is still in the midst of a toxic situation, it can be extremely difficult to think clearly, let alone summon the courage to leave. This is especially true if the abuse has occurred over a long period of time and/or the victim has a significant investment in the relationship (i.e., shared belongings, custody, mutual friends, the same workplace, etc.). Clinicians often refer to this deep level of stress and inability for victims to leave their abusers as Stockholm syndrome.
What is Stockholm Syndrome?
In researching Stockholm syndrome, one will notice that the term is used to reference the mental state of a kidnapped victim, or one who is being held hostage. While this is a mental state that is derived from these situations in their literal form, it is also prevalent to those being “held captive” by abusive partners.
In much the same way as being physically imprisoned, shackled, and otherwise unable to leave, those who fall victim to tangible or intangible abuse suffer imprisonment. They fear their abusers. They worry that they will misstep and experience an unfathomable wrath. Those who manage to physically escape are often entrapped mentally and emotionally for much longer. They can’t seem to shake their circumstances so matter how much they physically distance themselves.
But, there is hope. We must take back what has been taken from us, so we can find peace again and move forward without the heavy weight of prolonged shame and trauma. It’s not easy, it’s not immediate – but it’s necessary to truly escape the clutches of abuse. We must practice mindfulness.
For entirely too long we rejected the present as a means to escape it. We daydreamed about one day making it out, and in these daydreams, we learned to cope. When they are finally realized again, however, all too often we continue to reject them as unreal and too good to be true. We believe we’re still trapped. We still feel helpless.
Mindfulness is the practice of living in the present moment and becoming fully aware of oneself – physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s checking in with yourself and accepting the present for exactly what it is in that moment. This practice can help those who suffer from heightened anxiety, panic attacks, and paranoia. It’s also fundamental to twelve-step programs which actively promote living in in the present day and the acceptance prayer. Often, alcoholism and addiction are also used to cope.
Seeking the help of a licensed counselor or therapist is important, too. These individuals can help you learn mindfulness strategies and how to insert this way of thinking into your everyday routine so it will soon become second nature. And, once we can live in the present naturally, we become more aware of the everyday gifts we are given and the blessings we have. We understand that each day precious and beautiful – one day at a time.
As we begin to understand once again who we are and regain an appreciation for our own individual worthiness that was stripped from us at the hands of our abuser, we start to realize that we really are amazing. We rose beyond the ashes and were given new life. We’re a product of our choices, and we chose to take a chance to make a change.
You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and you didn’t deserve to be burdened with negative thoughts and feelings that manifested as a byproduct of these circumstances. Choose happiness. Choose life.
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