Trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to push over a brick wall — over and over again. It literally is the definition of insanity and will only give the narcissist the supply he craves. Let me tell you why.
No matter what, you won’t win
A narcissist is set in his ways, and by this I mean, he is set on making everything go his way. If your side of the debate or argument doesn’t benefit him, it doesn’t matter. It’s as simple as that. No matter which tactic you use, it won’t work. Don’t bother trying to outsmart a narcissist, either. The energy you put into trying to win him over will not only drain you but will give the narcissist supply. And, in the end, the brick wall won’t budge. It’s a lose-lose.
A narcissist cannot feel empathy
Even if you are sure your perspective is just and it’s right to fight for it, it won’t pay to try. Even if you feel any human being would understand your point of view or be empathetic toward what you hope to accomplish, this is simply not the case for a narcissist. No matter how many people you may have stated your case to, no matter how many have sided with you before approaching the narcissist, this doesn’t mean the narcissist will. Odds are, he will argue against your stance simply for enjoyment and to gain supply from watching you quiver.
Narcissists thrive on confrontation
The narcissist will actually enjoy listening to you try to reason with him. He will enjoy your anxiousness, even anger with his disapproval. Any energy you emit, even negative energy, gives him supply. It fuels him and enables him to continue believing he is in control. The more frustrated and desperate you become, the more powerful he feels.
Better to expend your energy elsewhere
There is simply no reasoning with a narcissist, period. Let me give you an all too common, though seemingly extreme, example. Let’s say your child has a mole you believe should be examined for potential cancer. A true narcissist who is also a parent to the child may not only oppose this, but will mock you for being “paranoid” or “crazy”.
Even if others have voiced their concern and have agreed with the “better to be safe than sorry” approach, the narcissist will not relent. This seems completely heartless and ludicrous. Children rely on adults for care. It’s his child, for goodness’ sake!
However, it’s entirely logical to the narcissist. After all, children of narcissists are viewed as merely extensions of self. They are not allowed to be imperfect. If they are flawed, so is the narcissist. Therefore, the narc would rather continue on in ignorance than discover his child has cancer, and in his mind, be viewed himself as less than perfect. Children of narcissists suffer not only because of this fact, but because narcissists notoriously counter-parent whether still married or divorced.
Leave and never look back
The only way to ensure your point is heard is to leave and go entirely no contact. As long as you are either opposing the narcissist or continually giving in to his desires, you will be providing him with the reassurance that he is superior. Your words and actions won’t matter. Even if it seems entirely obvious that what you’re saying makes sense, is important, even vital, it won’t matter. The only way for the narcissist to believe you’re serious is to leave and limit all communication. (If you have minor children, obviously you cannot go entirely no contact should he choose to battle.)
If you leave, the narcissist will initially give in to your requests simply to convince you to return. It is important to see through this and to stay strong, refusing to give in. If you do, he will soon move onto his next prey and you won’t have to worry about that wall anymore.