A common symptom post-trauma is a sense of self-distrust and a mistrust of others. This is deeply rooted in a web of hesitation to develop close connections with others which was brought to life as a result of being betrayed during traumatic experiences. We can no longer trust the intentions of others, and in turn, cannot trust our perceptions of people and other aspects of our lives.
All too often, trauma survivors blame themselves for what occurred. Rarely, however, is this even logical. We don’t actively seek out trauma-inducing circumstances. We are thrust into difficult situations or inadvertently begin to associate with those who have ill intentions toward us.
Because trauma survivors blame themselves for what’s occurred, perhaps it’s not all that surprising survivors lose the ability to stand behind their own convictions. When we feel as if we cannot trust anyone enough to allow them to enter our sacred space, this eventually leads to isolation. In our isolation, we become sure more than ever before that we cannot lean on our own intuition because we are alone with our negative self-talk.
What’s more, if the trauma was related to mental and emotional abuse, it’s likely much of this abuse included gaslighting. We were made to think we are crazy, and our own perceptions are inaccurate. This is a common tactic used by abusers to maintain control. By believing that we cannot trust ourselves, we inadvertently begin to take everything the abuser says or does as fact and, thus, become completely dependent on this person.
Distrusting ourselves and others is one of the toughest things to shake post-trauma.
This mental state usually persists for a prolonged period of time. Cognitive-behavioral therapy has proven to be helpful in releasing some of the toxic aftermath of abuse. We can relearn to trust by being willing to confront our fears and taking the steps to actively work through them.
Support groups are a great way to express our feelings in a safe environment and relearn to connect with others while rebuilding lost confidence. It’s much easier to open up to others who have experienced similar circumstances and have the first-hand experience to empathize with our current state.
It’s important not to block yourself off to the rest the world. Isolating is not only unhealthy because it disables objective feedback from those who can help us rebuild, but it creates a perfect storm for anxiety to completely overtake our thoughts. When we block ourselves off, we only invite in loneliness, self-pity, guilt, and despair. The negativity can be all-consuming.
It is possible to trust again. It is possible to feel confident and secure with oneself after trauma. It takes time, patience, and persistence. It takes a willingness to express emotions, good or bad, and soliciting feedback from others. It takes mindful thinking and self-reflection. And, often, it takes the help of a professional who is able to walk one through certain steps designed to welcome healing.
Hang in there. There are better days ahead.