Let’s talk a bit more about reframing. It’s important that we learn to reframe our negative thoughts as we’re working toward a more positive life. Those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder engage in negative self-talk almost all the time which significantly distresses interpersonal relationships. In fact, psychologists have found that the majority of the stress, turmoil, and anxiety PTSD suffers experience comes from their own internal monologue. This means, very little of what causes these symptoms actually stems from real, tangible circumstances in the post-trauma state.
Knowing this can be extremely enlightening to those who are living with PTSD. Consciously becoming aware of how often we engage in negative self-talk and trying to eliminate this as much as possible can completely transform our lives. In order to reframe our negative thoughts, though, we have to practice mindfulness and become more aware of when we’re participating in destructive thinking.
Destructive thinking can take many forms. Do you believe your partner despises you for being so critical of him or her, is bored with your relationship, is probably wishing he or she were with someone else? This is a common recurring thought pattern for PTSD sufferers who have developed the post-trauma disorder as a result of sadistic or toxic bonds with others. As a defense mechanism, we find it safer to believe our current relationship will also fail. In this way, we don’t get our hopes up for a more positive outcome and when things go south – and, they inevitably will – our self-talk reminds us, “I told you so.”
This is extremely self-debilitating. As long as this perspective exists within us we will be unable to be happy with an intimate partner and we will actually drive the relationship to fail. If you cannot fully realize and appreciate all of the good in the partnership, there isn’t a solid foundation upon which it can stand.
Remember the law of attraction – like attracts like. If you are constantly viewing things in a negative way, this is contagious. Your significant other will begin to do so, too, and as you notice they have also given up, you will sink deeper into depression, and pretty soon both of you will be completely miserable and wonder why you’re still together!
Does your self-talk tell you that you have caused everything bad that’s ever happened to you? It’s all your fault – if only you could be a more positive person, these things never would have happened. This is also an extremely common thought process of PTSD sufferers. It comes as no surprise, because guess what? Like attracts like. If you are constantly pushing others away and not allowing yourself to be successful in interpersonal relationships you will keep feeling this way indefinitely!
It’s important to remember, you did not cause this trauma. The trauma you experienced was not your fault and you could not have changed it. You didn’t welcome it into your life.
It found you.
Yes, it’s true, those with empath or co-dependent traits tend to welcome unhealthy relationships and we get ourselves into toxic situations that arise from the best intentions. However, the trauma-inducer is the one who found you. This person sought out a pure, loving, caring, empathetic heart and fed off of this energy. Those who are abusive, sociopathic, or in some other way inherently self-loathing feed off of positive energy and they suck their victims dry. Then, once completely depleted, they simply move onto a new source of energy and discard what’s left of the person they once fed on.
This is what happened to you, and it happened because you are a good person. The trauma-inducer projected themselves onto you as they were desperately trying to steal your inner beauty. So, stop telling yourself you’re not worthy. Refuse to believe your inner critic.
You would not have experienced trauma if you weren’t worthy. Ruminate on this fact. It is an important one to grasp.
What is most fascinating, and disheartening, about PTSD is that everyone else can tell a sufferer they are wonderful, they are worthy, and they can actually have tangible, physical evidence of this in their work, in the way they live, in the way they treat others and in their relationships – and, they will still hate themselves. They will believe they’ve somehow got everyone else fooled, because they are failures who don’t deserve to be praised.
This is the energy that was fed back to you as you were giving your good energy away. The person who was stealing your energy was giving you some of theirs in return. In essence, you entered into a toxic contractual relationship without even realizing it. So, as they were feeling better and better about themselves for having control over you and being able to feel your positivity, you were feeling worse and worse because you were disconnecting from your true self and being filled with negativity.
Take your energy back. Right now. Practice acceptance and commitment therapy and separate that inner critic from the rest of your being. When you remove “this person” from your body, mind, and soul, what’s left? Love, light, and hope. Right? Removing this single piece will make you feel more at peace. And, peace is what you truly deserve.