Let’s talk a little about acceptance. As we release ourselves from the clutches of narcissistic abuse and move into this new realm of hope and opportunity, unfortunately, we are also hit with some negative emotions, such as disappointment or depression, perhaps anxiety about the future. Just when we think we can truly “live again”, we find we sometimes are keeping ourselves down in the dumps.
And, we often even feel guilty, right? Because it’s human nature to believe we could have done something differently to improve our lives or the situation we were in. We are our own worst critics. Plus, the narcissist programmed us long ago to make us believe we were the problem. So, it can be difficult to exit this frame of mind and accept that there is nothing we could have done to change the circumstances, or to accept that they would have never been “perfect”.
The bottom line is that we cannot be held responsible for the actions of others. We cannot control the actions of others. We are only in control of ourselves and the way we react to negativity. Sometimes we focus so much on changing ourselves and our behavior that we miss the shear fact that there was a bigger problem beyond our control. This is exactly how we missed the manipulation for entirely too long. We were focused on the narcissist’s words and his goal of getting us to carry all of his faults — of projecting these onto us so he himself didn’t have to carry their weight.
The journey to acceptance can be a long and hard one. We have to remember how long and hard the ride with the narcissist was. We may have also undergone traumatic circumstances prior to this relationship. So, getting into the codependent mindset wasn’t quick and easy, and getting out of it isn’t going to be either. Some days will be better than others.
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And, remember that the worst of it is over. Now we must practice accepting our past for exactly what it was and our present for exactly what it is in order to create the future we deserve.
Every time frustration creeps in, or its cousins — anger, fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety — take a step back and recite inwardly, “I accept this (moment or circumstance or ‘thing’, whatever it is) for exactly what it is at this moment”. Take some time to linger in this space, letting the words sink in. Truly embrace them and take the time to appreciate what this means. Once you get more comfortable accepting life’s imperfections, you will have a greater ability to appreciate the glimpses of perfection we’re afforded daily.