Narcissists do not possess normal emotional boundaries. As long as there is energy to take, the narcissist will continue the game. Even if the relationship was, for all intents and purposes, terminated, and both parties have moved on, a narcissist will continue to hoover.
A victim who has cut ties with the narcissist will not be able to give him or her the desired supply, so the narc will quickly move on to someone who will, but will continue to suck whatever’s left from the residual emotional energy the victim still gives off if continuing to cross paths. This is why, even if you’ve left and the narcissist has seemingly “moved on” to a new mate, has worked hard to trap this new victim by ensuring their two lives are completely intertwined, he or she will continue to insist on inserting him- or herself into your life whenever possible.
If you refuse to communicate, you will only provoke narcissistic injury, make the narcissist retaliate and determined to chase you. Or, your friend and family members will begin to be harassed. Unfortunately, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. The narcissist knows the hoovering upsets you, but any emotional reaction will help to fuel the supply. Any lack of reaction leads to amplified retaliation.
If you are doing well without the abuser, it will drive the narcissist crazy and the retaliation will increase as all control is lost. If you’re not doing well, because it takes time to heal and many once-victims live with post-traumatic stress indefinitely, the narcissist will eat this up, taking any and all remaining energy.
Some important points to remember:
– Cease all contact, or at least limit all contact as much as possible.
– Confide in family members and friends, and seek therapeutic help as needed.
– Make time for yourself. You must learn to be comfortable with your own thoughts, and find time to self-
reflect, in order to effectively heal.
– If you feel threatened at any time, and fear for your safety, contact the proper authorities immediately.