Don’t waste your time trying to “fix” a narcissist. Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) simply cannot be fixed. They developed certain personality traits early on in life and these stuck. All too often, empaths and codependents attempt to fix narcissists or change them for the better. Not only does this waste the time and energy of the individual continuously putting forth effort, but it actually provides narcissistic supply.
In order words, the more time one’s energy is wasted focusing on the narcissist, the more the narcissist will take. They will continue to manipulate their “servant” into believing they require such attention and appreciate their efforts so they can continue to weaken this person physically, mentally and emotionally.
Trying to get a narcissist to see the error of his or her ways does little more than initiate a challenge. This challenge is essentially to see how long the narcissist can monopolize and exploit the empath’s energy and attention, pretending to be changing while internally remaining exactly the same. Narcissists enjoy seeing the empath exhausted and drained from their efforts. Weakening their counterpart strengthens the narcissist. This allows the narcissist to engage in a sadistic game of catch and release. Every time they can convince their partner their efforts to “cure” them are worthwhile, then suddenly and unexpectedly revert back to maladaptive behaviors, they’re able to create chaos and confusion, which the narcissist thrives on.
Release Yourself before the Narcissist Releases You
Unfortunately, narcissists know the interaction is little more than a twisted game long before empaths typically do. Usually, by the time a codependent individual realizes “they’ve been had”, they are so worn out and dependent on the attention of their narcissistic partner that they feel entirely trapped and engulfed in an unhealthy situation. The realization that all of their hard work and efforts were never taken seriously and that the narcissist was using them to refill his or her own supply is so disheartening that they feel empty, depressed and alone, unable to escape.
And, narcissists will stop at nothing in their quest to break an empath down. They will take every ounce of individuality and beauty from this person and use any flaws against them. Narcissists enjoy nothing more than making others feel as if they are inferior to them, ignorant and incapable of matching their intelligence and charm. They enjoy making others feel confused, overwhelmed, and entirely dependent. It is always the goal of a narcissist to play the idealize game just long enough to trap a victim and begin wearing them down to nothing.
Once an individual has shared intimate space with a classic, textbook narcissist, has realized their partner is disordered and actually manages to escape, they often vow to never again allow themselves to be fooled. However, this vow comes with a hefty price, for these individuals often suffer from debilitating post-traumatic stress disorder (more specifically, narcissistic victim syndrome or NVS), depression, anxiety, and paranoia. Every time they attempt to enter into a new partnership, they overanalyze and dissect their potential partner’s qualities, determined to spot any traits of NPD before it’s too late.
This is why it is most important to heal from the abuse fully before moving on. While it is difficult to suppress negative thoughts and feelings after enduring narcissistic abuse, especially for empaths, one must rediscover their lost sense of self to truly understand when they are being unreasonable and be able to take action against this flawed state of mind. In doing so, one can genuinely participate in a fulfilling partnership. They can trust again. But, this takes time and patience. Good things really are worth waiting for.
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