It goes without saying, perhaps, that abuse is difficult to talk about. Those that suffer behind closed doors oftentimes never voice their pain to others unless, or until, they were forced to. With narcissistic abuse, usually this occurs well into devalue, just prior to discard. The victim may have long been planning to leave, believes she finally has the courage to do so, and just needs to take that dreaded last step. But, leaving a narcissist isn’t as simple as packing your bags and saying sayonara. The moment this individual realizes their victim intends to exit, an over-the-top discard is likely to ensue, thrusting the victim into the spotlight whether or not they want to be.
Once the narcissist realizes that you’re leaving forever, and there is no way they can convince you to stay, they are likely to quickly reveal their true self, the self you knew was always present, more visibility. Typically, this means they will try to completely destroy you before you’re able to get away, so law enforcement might get involved, or child protective services, medical personnel, or maybe just friends and family, all depending on the way the narcissist chooses to handle it.
You see, you can’t simply leave. That’s entirely unacceptable, and the narcissist needs to make sure he gives you a lasting mark, a permanent branding of sorts, as his once-property. He needs to make sure, despite your intentions to move on, you’ll never be completely disconnected. You will always live with a piece of him – traumatic memories that serve as a final ‘told-you-so’ that you’ve made a horrible mistake. You can’t escape without being first discarded.
Even the most well-thought-out, iron-clad escape plan can’t guarantee a victim will leave her abuser unscathed in this grand finale. There is a flaw in every perfectly constructed exit, and the narcissist will find it. Perhaps the saddest part is that most victims were once-intimate partners with their captors. This means they were close enough to their abusers to share things with them that perhaps they’ve never shared with anyone else. And, if these details can in any way mar the victim’s reputation or utterly humiliate them at the very least, they can and will be held against them in the discard phase.
Be prepared for this. It’s difficult for one to hold on to any sense of self-love while in a relationship with a narcissist, but it just may that last remaining piece that pulls the victim through and offers the strength needed to move on. Remember, narcissistic retaliation is simply the dusk before the dawn. Leaving and staying gone is the only way out, and this too shall pass. There is so much healing to be done in the aftermath.
You are worth it.
Break the silence, break the cycle. Please share!